Paperwork - What is required?

For Interest Sake!

Documents required when you adopt:

• You will need to complete the adoptions application forms provided.
• A medical screening form.
• Police clearance certificates.
• Compile a profile of yourself as individuals, including your character traits, strengths and weaknesses and a brief summary of your childhood.
• Compile a profile of your relationship; what makes your marriage work, and how you deal with conflict and how you experience each other.
• Compile a family profile, including information / pictures etc of your children and extended family members. If you have children they should contribute to this profile if they are able to.
• Write a summary of your reasons for wanting to adopt as well as the possible impact on your family.
• Provide 3 certified copies of your ID’s and you marriage certificate.
• Provide contact details for 3 referees / references.
• Guardianship plan as well as an affidavit from the proposed guardian accepting responsibility / care and custody of the adopted child should the need arise.
• Affidavit regarding the Sexual Offences Act.
• The consent to divulge confidential information form.
• Monthly budget and salary slips.

iThemba Lethu

Today I went to iThemba Lethu in Durban and met with their Social Worker – a lovely kind lady by the name of Brenda. I originally heard about them from my friend Nikki who adopted her baby girl Zoey from there.

Some time ago I wrote to them and asked them if I could come and visit and at the same time I attached my screening report from Stanger so that they knew that this is the path we are on.  I did this after phoning one day and asking if I would visit and they said no, sorry, I would have to make an appointment. 

They wrote back saying that they would forward my request on to Brenda and “you will unfortunately be unable to volunteer.  This is as part of the child care act regulations, which Brenda will be able to explain to you in more details.”

Brenda did get back to me very quickly with two possibly dates for a meeting and so this morning was our time together.  She had already gone through my screening report from Stanger and was quick to point out that she was “surprised” by the contents of the report and that should I wish to adopt through iThemba Lethu the screening would most certainly need to be redone. 

Brenda is one of those ladies who does not seem to be capable of a single mean thought never mind a mean word - so while she said nothing critical about the screening process we have undergone thus far she made it clear that they would have to start again with their program.

She explained that at Ithemba Lethu they do not charge for the screening process but that most people will work through it from start to finish with them and not do what we have done, which means that if I got a call from Stanger next week I would say thanks for everything you have done by I am out of here!  We are all on the same side and while all they want is for babies to go to happy homes and be taken care - someone still pays their salaries and it puts pressure on the NPO’s resources. Having her screen us and then possibly not being able to place once of their babies with us will put stress on their system and their funding and possibly cause a delay in placing one of their babies.  It sounds complicated because it is. Anyway she gave me all the forms and we agreed to chat it over soon once she has spoken with her team and I have spoken to Rog.

I almost wish that we had started here with them. Although they came across as very strict in the beginning and I did not understand why, I have now began to think that they have what looks like a extremely well run system which seems to be a smooth transition between the many difference phases of this journey. There does not seem to be a breakdown between the social workers and the caregivers and it seems like there are good communications with prospective parents.

I originally thought that I had to get screened through my local child welfare deportment before going anywhere else and this is a mistake. If you work through a private NPO that does their own screening - there is no need for that.  You learn something new everyday!

Click here for more on iThemba Lethu.

Check out their 2012 Snap Shot (January to June).

Princess Mkabayi Children's Home

At Breakfast on Sunday morning before we left Isandlwana we got chatting to our waitress and asked her if there where any children’s homes in the area. She did not really understand but said that there were none where children stayed day and night – that the only one that she knew about was in a nearby town called Nquthu and it was called Mkabayi.  We drove to Nquthu and drove through the town looking for this place which we did not see from the main rd. The town turned out to be a little larger than expect so we stopped and ask some people and eventually found the Princess Mkabayi Childrens Home.

It is a huge facility and when we drove up to the gate there where no signs of activity.  There was a guard at the gate who let us sign in without asking any questions and we parked and walked towards reception. Everything was locked up and started to walk around and look for signs of life anywhere.  We came across a young girl (around 12 yrs) cleaning out her mop at one of the garden taps. We asked her if we could speak to someone in charge and she gestured for us to follow her. She took as around the side of the building and we passed some children in the garden and courtyards. She disappeared down a passage and immerged a few minutes later with two older ladies. As this point we did really feel like we were intruding as we had no appointment and had simply just rocked up on a Sunday for a visit.

We explained to them that we were in the area on a tour and that we where curious to find out what they did there etc.  We told them a little bit about our rd to adoption and why it was that we have an interest in these homes. They were very obliging and friendly and proudly showed us the dining room, dorms etc.  They explained that the facility could cater for up to 90 children and there where currently 13 children in their care.

As we left I said to Rog that as a child I would be terrified to stay in such a large place with so few kids. We could see the boys sitting on the lawn playing on their own and the girls were inside playing in the courtyard but it was still very quiet.

They told us that they had a social worker who came during the week and said they would pass on our details to her after which we left and headed home.  It was a strange visit – I had completely not expected that. When I got home I researched the place and nothing really comes up. There is a file on the parliament.gov.za website where it talks about the Launch and renaming of facility to “Princess Mkabayi Child and Youth Care Centre” and its renovations. It says that "The estimated cost for renovations is R6 million" and it seems like that must have been done because you can see a lot of money was spent there.  It is wonderful so see money being spent on causes such as these.

It is hard to understand why such a facility would be so empty when there is such a massive need for care – don’t have any answers here but will let you know when I do?!

Destiny House - Mtubatuba

We took Friday off and left early and headed North to Mtubatuba. Our friends Dave and Shelley Phipson had told us of an orphanage up there called Destiny House so we decided to pay them a visit.  Shelley told us of a very little baby girl who had arrived there recently and so we were very keen to go and see if we could meet her!  When we arrived we were met by Esther who runs the home.

Esther told us proudly how this little girl had grown from 2.5kg to 4kg in 1 month and how she was doing so well. She allowed us to hold her and she was indeed very alert and even gave us a few lovely smiles! She soon fell asleep with Rog and we sat chatting to Esther while I have lots of loves to one particularly snuggly little guy who just loved cuddles. Some of these kids have not formed normal bonds with anyone so they go to everyone, which is lovely, but you do notice that it is not quite normal. This little guy was just hugging me and playing with my hair and stroking my face and it was very cute indeed.  We gave all the kids suckers and this little one was not even interested in his sucker he just wanted to get picked up and held. I had to remind him about his sucker more than once!

Esther said that she would pass on our screening report to the social worker so we will wait and see what she says.

Once again this is a place where the children are all beautiful and we are grateful for the care that they are getting. Esther has three young children of her own and still has the capacity to love and care for another 17 kids – WOW - another amazing women and her team!

Check out more about them here.

Special Delivery

Monday was a super fun day in our household! A while ago when we decided this was it and it was now time to make up the nursery – I thought about one of my old favorites when I lived in London – IKEA.  I went onto the website and looked through all of their beautiful things and then sent a “Do you think, maybeeeee if you love me…” email to my very special friend Sarah Price. You see IKEA does not have a very efficient online ordering system – only certain things are available online and most of the things on my wish list were not, so off to IKEA young Sarah had to go and she had to pick out everything off my list and pack it all into her car and take it home.

Then she had to research and entertain the many emails that went back and forth as far as shipping was concerned and eventually had to take load it all back up and take it from Maidenhead to Wembley, get lost and deal with some very annoying people when she finally arrived.  ANYWAY to cut a long story short – it all eventually arrived on Monday! My cot, high chair, play gym, and other essentials like finger puppets and dolls - SO MUCH OF FUN! HEY MAN (You have to say this with an Indian Accent.) 

I am going to teach Lucy my following favorite accents BTW – British, Afrikaans, Indian, Red Neck and CapeTonian). She is going to be a very interesting child indeed.

Thank you “Aunty Seh” for all your hard work and helping us buy these very cool things!!!

A fun day out!

Today we were allowed to take a baby out for the day! We chose to fetch little two year old Anesu who is the most beautiful little boy who we have now met a couple times at Sinakekele . He has a 4 year old brother and they are both waiting on their adoption process to be finalized before going to their waiting family in the USA.  I can totally see why their American family fell in love with them they are adorable.

Anesu had quiet a task on his hands today – we have a family function in Umhlanga and if any of you know our family or our functions they can get rather noisy so I have my doubts over whether this was going to work.  He was happy as a lark all day – it was amazing. He was very quiet, never spoke a word and chose to either sit near us or on our laps but he watched everyone and everything and was very peaceful and sweet. The family all loved him and he got lots of attention!

On the way home he suddenly started chatting up a storm in baby language and threw out the odd “Hello” and cheeky “Hey!” from his car seat. He sang with the music in the car and then fell sound asleep just before we got back late this afternoon. Rog put him in his cot and he curled up the cutest sleep position and passed out!

We decided to hang out for a while and helped with some feeding and playing with the kids while the volunteers worked towards then end of their 6am – 6pm shift. Anesu work up before we left and I got to give him his supper and have some cuddles after bath time. He burst into tears when we said goodbye and I shed a few of my own while trying to pacify him. Even though it is sad to see them cry like that when you leave - just knowing that they are being loved and cared for by Ruth and her team - is such a huge blessing , I am so grateful for people like them in this world.  We will get to see them again on the weekend and that’s really something to look forward to!

Rog loved spending some time with the older boys this afternoon. They hung out at the car and he showed them what every button and lever did and even took them for a drive and let them steer – the LOVED it – he totally made their day and he had so much fun doing it!

Today was a super day!

While we wait...

Today I popped in to Durban Child Welfare just to show my face and see if maybe anyone had any news for me - nothing yet. I met one of the social worker that I had only spoken to on the phone. A tiny little women with a very kind smile. She suggested that I call Stanger Child Welfare and see if they have received the list of available babies from Durban - I will do this tomorrow.  It seems cheeky and you need to tread carefully - no one likes to feel like they are being rushed and you have to remain sensitive to this while being true to yourself.

We do all sorts of things while we wait. One of the coolest things happening at the moment is that my 89 year old Oupa is knitting a blanket for Lucy. My mom is giving him guidelines and keeping an eye on his work - but he is knitting that blanket and it is SO precious to see.

What a blessing! My Oupa has the strongest hands, when I was little I thought he had the biggest hands in the whole world.  I just know we will treasure this forever.

Meeting Lovely Linda

This morning i went through to Durban North and met with Linda at the Fairhaven Childrens home. She has been involved for the last 8 years and tells me that it has been the most wonderful experience and she loves what she does. She told me about Peet & Jenni Wallace and how this was Jenni's vision many years ago and how so many babies have been placed in loving homes over the years.  They can have up to six babies at this home - this seems to be the rule, any more than that and you have to apply to become an institution. Not sure what that involves but it seems that it is best to keep things simple otherwise everything takes time and it's the babies suffer in the end. She spoke about having to go to court and remove a screaming baby and then bringing him/her home and watching them grow and change. She gave me examples about how this little one used to be like that and now he's like this and how amazing it is to watch their little characters develop. It is very obvious that Linda loves what she has been called to do and it warms my heart to know that these little ones have someone like her to care for them.

What a super visit!

Click here for more info on the Domino Foundation.

So when do we get our Lucy?

We don't know. Now we just wait. JUST WAIT and SEE.  Who likes hearing those words? Can you remember hearing that as a child and you wanted to cry cause you were so irritated - thats how I feel! Its ok when you have "10 more sleeps" you can count then down but when you don't know - EISH thats a tough one.

Anyway - we hope and pray to hear something soon. We think that we may have found our Lucy but in the same time we don't want to get out hopes up because the situation is complicated so we will see....after we waited....we will see.

Try having a husband that has more energy that you and is less patient than you, you have to pacify him and then pacify yourself, but it is an excited waiting and we are happy so its all good :)

So friends and family please pray that Lucy is kept safe and that wherever she is and whomever she may be,  that even now she knows that she is truly loved by her family in waiting! 

Oh and please pray that the powers that be shake a leg and get their rush on - we would very much like for Lucy to be home for Christmas

xxx

Our nursery so far

I already told you that we go super spoilt at or baby showers AND today I want shopping and spent my vouchers - joy of all joys! That was super fun and I have nothing more to say here - just check out these pics!

Meeting Rachel

We went through to Ray of Hope babies home last Saturday and enjoyed meeting Rachel and her lovely helpers and the beautiful children of course. We met the twin boys Thulani and Thula who were born on the 22 Aug and abandoned after birth in a field. The had recently discovered that they were HIV positive so suddenly their prospects look bleak and suddenly not so many people want them. I am not judging, (Rog and I have said that we only want a baby that is healthy and has no known special needs) - it is just very very sad to think that there are so many babies that are unwanted and yet they are so innocent and precious and have done nothing wrong. 

There were some other cuties that we could have packed in that car so fast - we loved having cuddles with Sne (3yrs) and Nkanyiso (2yrs) but still have our hearts set on a baby. We left there talking about how cute they were and what was going to happen if everyone through they were "too old". 

This is the difficult part - they are all beautiful, they are all precious, how on earth do you choose? Lord pls help us - we are going to need help here.

See more on Ray of Hope Home.

Meeting Ruth

Ruth actually contacted us - how refreshing in the world of researching, planning, waiting, waiting and more waiting. Ruth runs a ministry to abandoned babies in Verulam. We took a drive up to see her and arrived after getting rather hopelessly lost. Not because we got bad directions but because Rog did not need them because he knew "Exactly" where we were going. It was only about 10km in the completely wrong district never mind direction. We had one of those conversations that I was glad the lovely Ruth did not hear.

We meet some of the volunteers out from the USA and we also got to meet some babies. It was wonderful to see the great work that she is doing out there.

See more on Sinakekele Childrens Home.

Meeting Justin

Cristy advised us to meet her friends Justin and Cathy Foxton who had opened a baby house on their property - they converted an old outside room  into a baby house and now have capacity for up to 4 babies at any one time. We were super excited and a little apprehensive - it was the first baby home visit and I actually did not know how I would feel about meeting them. Would I feel scared would I feel pressurised to take the first baby we see - a lot goes through your mind...

Anyway we had a wonderful time and there was nothing to fear, Justin shared a wealth of knowledge and experience and we got to meet some cuties as well as meet their own beautiful little adopted daughter.

Read More about them and what they do here.

Preparing the Paperwork

It took some time to find out who the correct person was to deal with regarding the screening process. Eventually we learned that living in Salt Rock we had to be screened through the Stanger Child Welfare Department and so we set up the meeting. Armed with my list from Cristy I set about preparing a file on pretty much our whole lives. Who were are, what we do, our monthly budget, our family, our health, our home, criminal reference checks etc.  It really helped to make our first meeting go smoothly and the social worker took my file and said that I would here back from her in about 2 weeks. She asked me to be patient and explained that they were short about about 6 staff members and under a lot of pressure and they are.  Three weeks later I called her back and she said that she would need to direct me to another social worker to arrange a home visit. When I reached her she asked me to call her back after the weekend. When I called her back she scheduled it for 2 weeks from then. 2 weeks from then she moved it forward another few days and then eventually it was time for our home visit.  She was very nice and took time to explain everything to us and promised a screening report over the next couple days - it arrived a week later. I don't highlight these delays to knock the social workers - they do the best they can given the circumstances and pressure that they face. I simply want to highlight that everything takes longer that expected and patience is something you will require on this journey!

Niks and Zoey

On the 22nd August I met with a friend, Nikki and her adopted baby girl Zoey. We met at Primi for coffee and it was not very long before Roger arrived to join us.  He hadn't really been invited - he simply could not stay away and then totally dominated my precious Q&A time!  It reminded me once again how blessed I am that he is so excited about adopting a child of our own - something I am truly grateful for everyday.  

Five minutes with Niks will give you everything you need to know about adoption, she adores her child and her joy is tangible. We left encouraged and excited and cannot wait to have a "Zoey" of our own!

Finally Some Progress

On the 14th of August this year after sending a desperate sms to my friend Jonelle saying help I am not getting anywhere with this adoption thing no-one is getting back to me - don't know what to do....moan....whine....help me....bla bla -  she must have phoned our friend Cristy and all within the hour Cristy phoned me back and - the conversation went something like this:  Cristy "YAY YAY - Lets get together have some coffee and I'll tell you everything I know....."  Me   "Ok how about today?"   Done - an hour later we were sipping coffee on Windermere Rd and wiping away some tears. Cristy put me on the road to how, who and where, and before I knew it I was following her down the road to Durban Children's home and waiting to see a social worker!  

Everyone needs a Cristy (and a Jonelle) and this is some of what is wrote in my diary that night.


Dear Baby

Today I made the first real step towards bringing your into our lives.  I have been trying to meet with a social worker for the last few weeks and have not been successful. I met up with a friend by the name of Cristy and she gave me the run down and told me who I should phone and what I should do. I feel much better this evening and I think that we are well on the way to bringing you home. We have waited a very long time for you and I cannot believe that you may be right here where I am sitting typing this letter in the next few months – it is quiet a wonderful thought to me and I am feeling rather overwhelmed. Glad you can’t see me sniffing and snorting you would think your future Mum was a rather strange Dollybird.

XXX

Our Baby Showers

We had two baby showers - we come from a rather large and wonderful family and have many amazing friends so could not think of a venue to house everyone comfortably - hence two wonderful baby showers and loads of fun!

I was not going to have a baby shower - ask anyone who has been through years of infertility as I and many others have been, whether they enjoy baby showers and I am sure that they will tell you that they loathe them.  It makes you feel like a terrible person because  you really want to be happy for that person and celebrate with them but the truth is you can't and it makes you feel guilty. 

This is what happens at baby showers, people avoid making eye contact with you and if they do they give you the sympathy look or the sympathy squeeze or that pat on the back. They may be in mid laugh and then they catching you looking at them and they pack it in and look away guilty, as if they too should not be having fun and if they really loved you they would be sad for you and not happy for the radiant Mum to be. You end up feeling like although you have been on your best behaviour and faked some of you best smiles - you have somehow put a dampener on the mood and you have somehow stolen away some of the joy of the day.  It makes you feel terrible and you leave saying to yourself "I will never go to another baby shower again" until the next one... that also isn't yours.

So back to my baby showers that I never wanted.  One of my cheekiest little friends told me to stop being ridiculous and of course I should have a baby shower so I said yes mostly to be obliging and so she got the ball rolling and eventually two were arranged. They were both extremely special and this Sunday when I spent the day opening my presents I said to Rog that I had the exact same feeling of the day after our wedding when were went back up to the farm to be with the family and sat opening our pressies and remembering the speeches with pure joy! What an amazing and memorable day!

Click here to see more on Sams super duper helper! It is great to see people who catch a vision and run with it and I think that Kimberley really achieved everything that Sam asked for.

We got so spoilt and I am convinced that I am going to have to work very hard at keeping little Lucy's feet planted firmly on the ground. What with outfits like those and everything a girl could ever want I could just imagine how easy it would be to become a little Diva!

Why Blog about it?

Yesterday I received somewhere between 6 & 8 messages all reading something like this "So what news - when is Lucy coming home" and today I got about another 4 asking the same thing.  Please NOTE that I am not complaining I think that it is absolutely amazing how much love, support and interest people have shown regarding our plans to adopt and now it seems as though you all share our anxiety regarding when we will find our Lucy and when will she come home. So hence this blog - whenever you are wondering whats going on in the search for Lucy you can check it out right here and every time you do pls know that I am grateful for your thoughts and care, many of you have carried us on this journey and some of you have inspired us more that you will ever know.

This is also a way for me to keep a diary, one day I will have all the notes on how Little Lucy came into our lives and I will have many stories to tell her on how we searched until we found her and how we persevered through the admin until the day when her ID read Lucy de Charmoy.

It may also be an encouragement to some of you who may want to go down this road someday - the more experience we share the better! I will point you to some folk who have inspired us and helped us get some practical direction on this journey - and I hope that this will do the same for you.

Lots of Love
Haley
xxx