Boys, Boys, Busy Boys!

Hi Everyone – its been a while since my last post! I feel like I should rename my blog to something like… Confessions of a New Mom…  Life has been hectic! Good Hectic.

I have lots of cool stuff to tell you guys and have been looking forward to finding the time and energy to write.  Last time I blogged about Tom coming home - so anyway Friday was the day. I arrived early on Friday morning as promised to collect Tom and Jake. They were packed and ready and oh so excited for the weekend.  I asked them if they wanted to go home to explore or to my shop for milkshakes and they begged to go to the shop! All they wanted was strawberry milkshakes and NOT the kiddies ones - they wanted the large ones so that’s what they got.  They loved the shop and Jake asked if I was the “boss” of the shop – and was delighted to hear that I was indeed.  The girls all made such a fuss of them and they each left with a small treat, which they took great delight in choosing.

We headed home and they unpacked their bags and got into their cossies. Jake said he wanted to teach Tom how to swim and Tom said that he wanted to teach Jake how to fish so they struck a deal and started with the swimming part.  We played outside and had a picnic lunch out on the deck by the pool. Little Max needs a sleep after lunch so we use this as an opportunity to have some siesta time on the couch and we let them take turns choosing a movie out of our DVD collection.

When Max woke up we headed down to the beach for a late afternoon walk and run around and Jake and Tom had great fun chasing the shore break up and down the beach until eventually Tom got soaked by a surprise wave. We packed the soggy, sandy kids back into the car and headed home. Rog did a braai for us and the boys took great delight in “Helping with the braai”.  They devoured their chicken and afterwards Jake hovered around the table with a silly grin on the face saying how much he loved his chicken, until he was instructed to stop eating before he popped!

(On that note I have to tell you something cute – Tonight Tom asked me to help him write a letter to Father Christmas and one of the things he asked for on his list was a plastic chicken – cause he wants one to hold – cause he just loves chicken.)

So after dinner came bath time and all three boys had such fun together in the bath – lots of noise and splashing and asking “who suzad?”. They ask for bedtime stories EVERY night and EVERY night I ask them if they are listening because the zone out so quickly and they insist that they are and beg me to continue. Sometime just to see if they are listening I throw in some crazy embellishments of my own and I get the funniest reactions!

Sat was great, Rog took all three boys fishing and I went grocery shopping (not so fun in Ballito in December). They caught a fish and an eel and came back with lots of tall stories and handfuls of litchis that they had picked themselves and insisted that I eat in front of them. We had salad rolls for lunch and Jake was delighted that we had potato salad, which he had mentioned was his favorite the day before. There is something about the way that a child’s face lights up when you do the smallest thing just for them that is addictive!

We had afternoon nap for Max and TV siesta time for everyone else. One of my new most favorite things is to wake Max up from his afternoon sleep. When he wakes up in the morning he is very energetic and not too interest in lots of cuddles but when he wakes up from his afternoon sleep - now that’s a whole different story. He lies on me for about 10 minutes and we have the BEST cuddle time ever. This time makes me want to push pause on the growth button and keep him this small forever.

After siesta time we all took a walk - Max in his pram, Tom on his bike and Jake on Rogers skateboard. Rog and I laughed so much at one point because Tom asked for a push on his bike and Rog pushed with his foot instead of hands and he toppled backwards onto his bum from the downwards pressure. It was slow and he did not hurt himself at all - but he reprimanded Rog in the sternest of 4-year-old voices and then demanded that we stopped laughing which was even funnier so we had to giggle in silence behind him while he deliberated about forgiving us. Rog took turns taking them on the skateboard and they stood up in between his legs while he stood over them and carved his way down the hills. Hair-raising stuff – I poured myself a glass of wine as soon as we got home – my nerves were a little shattered by then!

Sat night was pizza and movie night. We sat on the floor in the lounge and the guys took great delight in this simple event.  Let me tell you that every night is a bun fight over who gets to say grace between Jake and Tom and it is the cutest most beautiful thing to listen to!

Sunday was beach day and we packed our car and headed out to the beach. There was lots of climbing around on the rocks and sand castle building and I discovered my least favorite place to change a nappy – on the beach. Wriggling, sand, soggy nappies and far away bins are not a cool combination. Need to work on larger change mats and baby handcuffs and things should be better for next time.

We took Jake back on Sunday night and during the weekend I asked Tom whether he wanted to stay with us or go back with Jake and he said a definite stay with us. I packed a little bag for him incase he changed his mind when we got there and nope he was fixed on the idea of staying with us – what a victory over such a short time! We stayed and had a braai with Ruth, the children all said an official goodbye to Tom and Max and we brought home two sleepy beautiful children much to our great delight!

Recipe for Pure Bliss...

If someone could have described to me the feeling of putting a baby in your car, driving home and taking that baby out of your car, then telling him that he is HOME now and then watching him settle in – I would have done this many years ago.  If I could bottle this feeling, brand it “PURE Joy” and sell it, I would be a Billionaire. A few years ago if you had asked me what I would do with all that money the answer would have been very different, today the answer is – “I would adopt a lot more children – A LOT more!”

I got there to fetch Max after lunch sometime and he was having his nap so I sat and spoke to Ruth’s children outside. Ruth has adopted 4 children and these kids are probably some of the coolest kids I have ever met in my life. Tom was with them and Ruth has begun to speak to him about the future and how Rog & I wanted to be his Mom and Dad and how he can always call her Mom if that’s what he wanted to do. I am totally fine with this; to share the title of “Mom” with Ruth would be an honour in my books.

She said that he got very clingy through and after the conversation but that today he started taking about his Mom and Dad and that he was referring to us! Today when I got there he wanted to come home with me and clung onto my leg and when I gave the other kids attention he actually even came and held onto me and said “MY mommy!” in a rather cheeky way.

Back to Ruth’s amazing adopted kids. Their names are Siya, Mary, Jake and Simon. Ruth lives upstairs with her family and uses downstairs for the other children. Jake and Tom are big buddies and Jake is coming back with Tom with the weekend – I am fetching them on Friday. Jake tells me that Tom needs to take a certain DVD from the family collection cause its his favourite and he should have it and gave me a few other little nuggets of advice for his friend Tom. Jake wanted to know if we would visit lots and I said of course we would – that we would be like cousins.  Jake then piped up “Yes, we could be adopted cousins!” I agreed that they would always be our adopted nephews and nieces and that he could call us Aunty Haley and Uncle Rog – he was delighted with this!

Jake then told me that he was packing tomorrow so that if I came really early on Friday he would be ready!!! (It like that have been scripted to say the coolest things – now I know why God loves children SO much!). Tom looked very torn seeing Max leaving with me and got very clingy and literally wrapped himself around my legs like a koala. I had to peel him off and promise to come early on Friday and eventually he let me leave. They all said bye to Max and gave him lots of hugs and kisses.

I drove off with Max and because I had been very brave in front of the other children emotions just came over me like a flood, I cried most of the way through Verulum and got it together just before the toll rd. (Don’t worry is was a quiet, don’t scare the baby happy cry – but I did get a few strange looks and I wondered whether anyone though I have stolen him, HA HA the mind plays tricks…:)

We got home just in time for fun and games before bath time. I discovered that Max loves it when you jump out from around a corner and scare him, he cracks up in fits of laughter and instead of running away from you tries to catch you – it is so cute! We played catches and playdo and ball games and even had time to squeeze in a remote speech therapy assessment via iPhone FACETIME.

My friend Sarah lives in London and is a Speech Therapist – her research has been published and is on “orphans and language development”, so we have some rather good connections in that department! Max is almost 2 and not speaking but according to Sarah there is nothing to worry about and he should catch up completely within the next year. She gave me some amazing pointers so we are going to work hard on that.

Rog got home and hopped in the bath with Max – that was fun and games and I loved watching them! Rog thinks that we have the cutest baby in the world and so do I – now we finally know how other parents feel. 

Things get even more fun on Friday when I fetch our big boy Tom and his “cousin buddy” Jake! Good Times Ahead!

Thank you Lord for this amazing blessing.

xxx

Plans for this week

Hi All – we had our meeting yesterday with their social worker and she was delighted to here that our weekend with the boys had not scared us off but rather reinforced our decision to fight for them now more than ever.

She was going to go to court later in the day to vary their place of safety and we will have to wait until January to officially process the fostering application. We will have to appear in court for that and we will then have to meet their biological mother. She will be forced to come to court - if she does not then she will be subpoenaed and if she ignores the subpoena she will be arrested so however it happens she will be there and the process will begin.

We are going to fetch Max on Wednesday and will probably wait until Friday to go back and fetch Tom. We are going to tread very carefully with Tom – he has bonded with his temporary safe care brothers and sister and calls Ruth Mom at this point.  We are grateful for this because he really loves them - he has been cared for in a wonderful way but he simply cannot stay there any longer.  Rog and I are going to take whatever time he needs to transition him across and there will be no pressure on him to do it in one step. We will probably fetch him on Friday and hopefully bring on of the other boys across for the weekend and return him on Sunday or Monday of whenever he asks to go “home”.

By the end of holiday period and before schools begin we trust that he will feel happy to call this home and then will be visit and allow his “extended family” on weekends to that he maintains his connection there.

So Wednesday is the day for my little Max the Munchkin – we are officially moving him in! He is such a happy little fellow, I don’t expect any obstacles to settling him in - all he wants is love and cuddles and yummy food! Our little Max certainly knows how to put away the grub, that boy can eat!

I am now on a mission to find a pre-school for Tom for next year. This is really going to be a challenge as schools in this area are already full and have waiting lists. Please pray that we will find favour with the right school and that they will somehow have space for him.

Otherwise I have had a couple days to make my home child friendly, we have bought a bed for Tom – this bed has a pull out bed underneath so always place for friends and it is getting delivered today so I know he will love that. I have buckets and spades for the beach, blowing bubbles, ice cream cones, mosquito spray, sunscreen, armbands and a lovely new set of plastic plates and cups – so we are READY for the holidays!

Please pray for Tom - we are trusting for a smooth and happy transition where he does not feel a sense of loss but rather understands that a new and wonderful adventure has just begun!

xxx

Fun & Games & The Future...

What a fun weekend!

Ok so some of you are wondering what is going on with our search for Lucy and what is all this talk of boys etc.  Well to answer your questions it looks like we might have found some brothers for Lucy but no – still no sign of Lucy!

YES I KNOW THIS IS MAJOR …..

Any way let me fill you in….. There has been one special place that we have been going back to since we first visited and that it Sinakekele Childrens Home in Verulam.  We have gone back there many times and visited a little girl with a rather complex situation and have been waiting to hear about her case etc.  During our visits two little boys slowly began creeping into our hearts and we found ourselves gravitating towards them over recent visits.

They are brothers. The little one is nearly two and the older one is four years old. They were meant to spend a week with Ruth and have been with her for just over a year now.

We have another meeting with their social worker tomorrow so will know more then – for now it looks like we will foster them for a year and process an application for adoption after that year is up.  We are not allowed to do a straight adoption in this case and the foster period is non negotiable.  Without going into too much detail the circumstances surrounding their case seem unlikely that there will be many obstacles to adoption even through there may be a lengthy foster period.  There are risks as in any situation but when you meet these kids any ideas of self-preservation quickly fade away and the full steam ahead mode kicks in properly.

So back to our weekend. We fetched them on Friday afternoon and for the sake of this blog we are going to call the little one Max and the older one Tom (not their real names but names that we hope to add to their existing names if and when the time is right. )

They were a little shy to start off with but soon starting exploring and relaxing and they just loved racing around on their bikes outside on the lovely flat tar of the parking area by our house.  We had hotdogs outside on the deck for supper and they both polished off their dinner very quickly. We had more fun and games and then a lovely long bath time.  They don’t usually get bubbles, toys etc and we had so much fun with them over bath time  - it was such a delight to watch!

Rog read them a bed time story and they went to sleep at about 7:30 nice and easy no problems at all.  That night I probably slept about 1 hour if I was lucky – they hardly made a sound I simply could not sleep. I had the baby monitor shining in my eyes all night long and I check on them about 6 times for no logical reason at all.  I eventually went to sleep at about 5 am and then woke up again at 6am.  Rog and I – after what seemed an age - eventually woke the boys up at 7am!

All they wanted for breakfast was corn flakes which I sadly did not have so Pronutro was an acceptable alternative.  I tried to give Tom a treat by putting a mini waffle in the toaster and covering it with syrup but he took one bite and then politely asked me “where is the bin?” Needless to say he did not like his waffle at all.

We spent the morning at the animal farm which was very cute and I was amazed by how gentle they both where with all the animals  - there was no shouting, chasing or crazy behaviour they were so sweet. I think I spent more time chasing the animals than they did!

I then had a baby shower to go to so Rog took the boys and headed over to our friends Pete and Wendy. The boys had such a wonderful time there, they played in the sand, road bikes, splashed in the pool, went fishing, playing cricket, golf and generally had an amazing time – they even left with presents from their daughter Ashleigh who incidentally came up with the name Max so WOW – what a special time.  We got home had another super fun bath time and then off to bed. Oh and Max who does not speak yet said my name today – nice and crystal clear like he was announcing it! Adorable!

This morning Max woke up at 7am and Tom slept till 8am – (Keep that up boys and you’ll be in the good books for real!) I slept so much better last night and woke up feeling a lot more energetic today.

Today we went up to the farm and spent the day with Roger’s folks – another wonderful time with lots of fun and games had by all. We took them back late this afternoon and then stayed there with them for about about and hour and a half – it was very hard to leave. Moving on...

We really loved our weekend! I think that God in his Wisdom knows that if we had to share one child we would smother them with all the love that we have each stored up over the last 8 years – I smile when I imagine Rog and I arguing over who gets to do this and who gets to do that.  Now we could have 1 each!  My Rog (handsome husband) has been AMAZING and you should see his face when he talks about these boys – he could not be more on board, it is such a huge blessing to be in agreement over the directions on this path we are on.

SO WHAT ABOUT LUCY?

Lucy is a dream and a promise that we will never let go off. One day our little girl will come into our lives and when she does we really pray that she will have two big brothers Tom and Max de Charmoy waiting for her. Lucy will always be our little Promised Princess and she will surely rule the roost!

For those of you that gave us such beautiful girly things for our baby shower – if it was clothes then we are going to swop some of them and keep some for Lucy and Di your purple Bumbo is now a green Bumbo!  We are going to keep a box of special goodies for Lucy - thank you for being such a blessing to us!  I have had to make some adjustments to the room, most inconvenient but they say pink is the new black so how bad can it be?

Thank you all for your continued prayers – you might need to dial those up a notch now that we have two little boys on the way.

Will keep you posted!

xxx

The Boys

Rog and I are counting down – 3 more sleeps till we fetch the boys for the weekend!

We have fallen rather head over heels in love with two little brothers we met while searching for Lucy. These boys are nearly 2 and 4 years old and are adorable. 

Last night we went to "Tom's" school play – he was a cow in his play and he was very cute to watch.  He seemed rather sleepy and yawned a lot but was very happy to see us at the end.  We were so delighted that Ruth invited us to join in – what a privilege!

The last time that we visited them all - "Tom" took us into the garage and showed us a car seat that he would fit in if we wanted to take him home – you must know what it takes to say no to that.

Anyway the time has come and we are so excited for our weekend together! So if you see us running around the town with two VERY handsome boys pls say hi to them – we have loads of fun planned!

3 more sleeps!

xxx

Paperwork - What is required?

For Interest Sake!

Documents required when you adopt:

• You will need to complete the adoptions application forms provided.
• A medical screening form.
• Police clearance certificates.
• Compile a profile of yourself as individuals, including your character traits, strengths and weaknesses and a brief summary of your childhood.
• Compile a profile of your relationship; what makes your marriage work, and how you deal with conflict and how you experience each other.
• Compile a family profile, including information / pictures etc of your children and extended family members. If you have children they should contribute to this profile if they are able to.
• Write a summary of your reasons for wanting to adopt as well as the possible impact on your family.
• Provide 3 certified copies of your ID’s and you marriage certificate.
• Provide contact details for 3 referees / references.
• Guardianship plan as well as an affidavit from the proposed guardian accepting responsibility / care and custody of the adopted child should the need arise.
• Affidavit regarding the Sexual Offences Act.
• The consent to divulge confidential information form.
• Monthly budget and salary slips.

iThemba Lethu

Today I went to iThemba Lethu in Durban and met with their Social Worker – a lovely kind lady by the name of Brenda. I originally heard about them from my friend Nikki who adopted her baby girl Zoey from there.

Some time ago I wrote to them and asked them if I could come and visit and at the same time I attached my screening report from Stanger so that they knew that this is the path we are on.  I did this after phoning one day and asking if I would visit and they said no, sorry, I would have to make an appointment. 

They wrote back saying that they would forward my request on to Brenda and “you will unfortunately be unable to volunteer.  This is as part of the child care act regulations, which Brenda will be able to explain to you in more details.”

Brenda did get back to me very quickly with two possibly dates for a meeting and so this morning was our time together.  She had already gone through my screening report from Stanger and was quick to point out that she was “surprised” by the contents of the report and that should I wish to adopt through iThemba Lethu the screening would most certainly need to be redone. 

Brenda is one of those ladies who does not seem to be capable of a single mean thought never mind a mean word - so while she said nothing critical about the screening process we have undergone thus far she made it clear that they would have to start again with their program.

She explained that at Ithemba Lethu they do not charge for the screening process but that most people will work through it from start to finish with them and not do what we have done, which means that if I got a call from Stanger next week I would say thanks for everything you have done by I am out of here!  We are all on the same side and while all they want is for babies to go to happy homes and be taken care - someone still pays their salaries and it puts pressure on the NPO’s resources. Having her screen us and then possibly not being able to place once of their babies with us will put stress on their system and their funding and possibly cause a delay in placing one of their babies.  It sounds complicated because it is. Anyway she gave me all the forms and we agreed to chat it over soon once she has spoken with her team and I have spoken to Rog.

I almost wish that we had started here with them. Although they came across as very strict in the beginning and I did not understand why, I have now began to think that they have what looks like a extremely well run system which seems to be a smooth transition between the many difference phases of this journey. There does not seem to be a breakdown between the social workers and the caregivers and it seems like there are good communications with prospective parents.

I originally thought that I had to get screened through my local child welfare deportment before going anywhere else and this is a mistake. If you work through a private NPO that does their own screening - there is no need for that.  You learn something new everyday!

Click here for more on iThemba Lethu.

Check out their 2012 Snap Shot (January to June).

Princess Mkabayi Children's Home

At Breakfast on Sunday morning before we left Isandlwana we got chatting to our waitress and asked her if there where any children’s homes in the area. She did not really understand but said that there were none where children stayed day and night – that the only one that she knew about was in a nearby town called Nquthu and it was called Mkabayi.  We drove to Nquthu and drove through the town looking for this place which we did not see from the main rd. The town turned out to be a little larger than expect so we stopped and ask some people and eventually found the Princess Mkabayi Childrens Home.

It is a huge facility and when we drove up to the gate there where no signs of activity.  There was a guard at the gate who let us sign in without asking any questions and we parked and walked towards reception. Everything was locked up and started to walk around and look for signs of life anywhere.  We came across a young girl (around 12 yrs) cleaning out her mop at one of the garden taps. We asked her if we could speak to someone in charge and she gestured for us to follow her. She took as around the side of the building and we passed some children in the garden and courtyards. She disappeared down a passage and immerged a few minutes later with two older ladies. As this point we did really feel like we were intruding as we had no appointment and had simply just rocked up on a Sunday for a visit.

We explained to them that we were in the area on a tour and that we where curious to find out what they did there etc.  We told them a little bit about our rd to adoption and why it was that we have an interest in these homes. They were very obliging and friendly and proudly showed us the dining room, dorms etc.  They explained that the facility could cater for up to 90 children and there where currently 13 children in their care.

As we left I said to Rog that as a child I would be terrified to stay in such a large place with so few kids. We could see the boys sitting on the lawn playing on their own and the girls were inside playing in the courtyard but it was still very quiet.

They told us that they had a social worker who came during the week and said they would pass on our details to her after which we left and headed home.  It was a strange visit – I had completely not expected that. When I got home I researched the place and nothing really comes up. There is a file on the parliament.gov.za website where it talks about the Launch and renaming of facility to “Princess Mkabayi Child and Youth Care Centre” and its renovations. It says that "The estimated cost for renovations is R6 million" and it seems like that must have been done because you can see a lot of money was spent there.  It is wonderful so see money being spent on causes such as these.

It is hard to understand why such a facility would be so empty when there is such a massive need for care – don’t have any answers here but will let you know when I do?!

Destiny House - Mtubatuba

We took Friday off and left early and headed North to Mtubatuba. Our friends Dave and Shelley Phipson had told us of an orphanage up there called Destiny House so we decided to pay them a visit.  Shelley told us of a very little baby girl who had arrived there recently and so we were very keen to go and see if we could meet her!  When we arrived we were met by Esther who runs the home.

Esther told us proudly how this little girl had grown from 2.5kg to 4kg in 1 month and how she was doing so well. She allowed us to hold her and she was indeed very alert and even gave us a few lovely smiles! She soon fell asleep with Rog and we sat chatting to Esther while I have lots of loves to one particularly snuggly little guy who just loved cuddles. Some of these kids have not formed normal bonds with anyone so they go to everyone, which is lovely, but you do notice that it is not quite normal. This little guy was just hugging me and playing with my hair and stroking my face and it was very cute indeed.  We gave all the kids suckers and this little one was not even interested in his sucker he just wanted to get picked up and held. I had to remind him about his sucker more than once!

Esther said that she would pass on our screening report to the social worker so we will wait and see what she says.

Once again this is a place where the children are all beautiful and we are grateful for the care that they are getting. Esther has three young children of her own and still has the capacity to love and care for another 17 kids – WOW - another amazing women and her team!

Check out more about them here.

Special Delivery

Monday was a super fun day in our household! A while ago when we decided this was it and it was now time to make up the nursery – I thought about one of my old favorites when I lived in London – IKEA.  I went onto the website and looked through all of their beautiful things and then sent a “Do you think, maybeeeee if you love me…” email to my very special friend Sarah Price. You see IKEA does not have a very efficient online ordering system – only certain things are available online and most of the things on my wish list were not, so off to IKEA young Sarah had to go and she had to pick out everything off my list and pack it all into her car and take it home.

Then she had to research and entertain the many emails that went back and forth as far as shipping was concerned and eventually had to take load it all back up and take it from Maidenhead to Wembley, get lost and deal with some very annoying people when she finally arrived.  ANYWAY to cut a long story short – it all eventually arrived on Monday! My cot, high chair, play gym, and other essentials like finger puppets and dolls - SO MUCH OF FUN! HEY MAN (You have to say this with an Indian Accent.) 

I am going to teach Lucy my following favorite accents BTW – British, Afrikaans, Indian, Red Neck and CapeTonian). She is going to be a very interesting child indeed.

Thank you “Aunty Seh” for all your hard work and helping us buy these very cool things!!!